How Retreats Became a Part of My Life
The Story of How I Earned a PhD AND Became a Travel Agent
Burnt Out Grad Student
I was a burnt out grad student struggling with imposter syndrome. I had two kids and went back to work full time. I just didn't know how I was going to finish my dissertation. I had finished my coursework in the two or three years that it takes, and now I was left having to complete my research. I had spoken many times to my colleagues and my husband about quitting…and I'm not a quitter. But, I was overwhelmed and tired and felt like I was giving a lackluster performance in all areas of my life.
Conversations with colleagues made it clear that I wasn't the only one feeling this way. Some people had families, like me; some people had one or two jobs; some people just didn't know how to self motivate and build up the confidence to complete their research and write their dissertation. This wasn't a reflection of our professors, everyone had their own ways of trying to get us to complete our work. They wanted us to be successful. Everyone had a different approach:
Writing/research schedules with deadlines. But when you know a deadline is kind of arbitrary it becomes ineffective.
Outlines. I had so many outlines for what my dissertation should look like. Outlines that my faculty members looked at and gave me feedback on. But at the end of the day I still had to do the work while everything else was happening around me. That proved to be too much.
Getting up early (or going to bed late) and writing for at least one hour a day.
Taking time off of work. Yes, the time would be helpful but for some of us we still felt stuck in the same place. Because we were physically still in the same place.
At some point, it occurred to me I've been in the same place, trying to do the same thing, but expecting different results. What do they say the definition of insanity is again?
I realized I needed to get away. I needed a change of scenery. Yes, I needed peace and quiet away from children and away from work. But truthfully, even if everyone had left my house and I had taken the day off of work, I still would have been sitting in the same place trying to do the same thing. I still would have been surrounded by all the things that needed to get done. It wouldn't have been enough. So I planned a writing retreat.
Financially Accessible Retreats for Graduate Students
There were tons of ads out there for retreats in exotic locations offering “structure” and feedback. They were expensive. I don’t know how graduate students can afford those retreats. I am sure they are lovely and maybe even productive experiences, but I would have been so worried about my finances, I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate.
I planned retreats that were accessible to my colleagues. I sent out a google form asking for preferences for things like dates, locations, budget, etc. We were, after all, licensed counselors in a graduate program. So we weren’t working with a big budget.
This meant:
No flights - it had to be driveable
A short stay - 2-3 nights max
Flexible space - enough room for everyone to sleep and the flexibility for those who could only join for 1 night to come and go as they needed
Affordable space - we needed wi-fi, a kitchen, and beds. Nothing fancy.
I came up with a schedule for the retreat days. Each day we would get up and share our goals for the day and plan to write for a certain amount of time. Then we would break, check-in, eat, and write some more. Did we get sidetracked with conversations sometimes? Yes. Did we need that distraction and conversation to build community and relieve the pressure of our common experience…also yes.
I should add that I have a background in conference, wedding, and event planning - so some of this comes very naturally to me.
Finding Locations
Our retreats were always an AirBNB or VRBO listing (With the exception of one time a friend had a family member with a house near a beach, so we stayed for free. That was nice.). We found houses with multiple bedrooms, a kitchen, somewhere to work, and an outdoor area where we could get fresh air and walk around. It actually led to me discovering places in and around the state of NJ that I otherwise never would have known about.
The first retreat led to future retreats with different variations of the same group of people. Sometimes new people would join. For me, this evolved into solo retreats. I realized the impact of going away alone, even for a night. More about that soon!
Computer on picnic table on farmland
Coputerand coffee on a beach
Retreat Results
Eventually, all of us who went on these retreats finished our degrees. Now we are a group of PhDs who connected over the need to get sh*t done in a new setting. Some of us continue to go on working retreats to continue being productive faculty members and private practice owners. During these retreats we share our experiences as women who run businesses and our goals for professional growth.
Doctoral graduation
Travel Agent
Creating retreats (and my love for Disney World) led to me becoming a travel agent. I love helping people plan intentional mindful travel. It isn’t just about retreats - Girls trips, family vacations, solo adventures - are all important. Sometimes you need someone to help you plan the vacation that is the right fit for you. Now I am expanding into planning retreats and vacations that have bigger budgets, but I still love working on those budget friendly escapes!